Without You
by Rachel Wilder
Summary: In the midst of the holiday season, Deacon and Rayna try to understand the meaning of a re-connection. A Secret Santa challenge story.


_This is for the Secret Santa challenge - a gift for Sarsel. Many thanks to KarenES for organizing the challenge and for giving this a quick beta edit._

Rayna was pretty sure she knew better than to go back to the studio that night to see if Deacon had finished the tracks on the new song. Heck, she was pretty sure she knew better than to ask Deacon to write and record a new song with her anyway. She knew history and she knew them and now, here they were...and what was it? Was it something new? Or was it just history repeating itself all over again like a record stuck and skipping on a scratch.

She looked down at her phone. A missed call from him. No message. Did that mean he wanted her to call back? Or maybe he didn't leave a message because it was just going to happen if it happened, no forcing it.

She sighed as her phone beeped again with a new message. This one was from Daphne saying she was ready to be picked up from her dance rehearsal. Nothing like the week before Christmas when it was all but Nutcracker Ballets, holiday concerts at school and the living nativity at church.

* * *

><p>As soon as he hung up, Deacon knew he should have left a message. That was the problem with these cell phones-there was no more calling, changing your mind and then hanging up. Nope, everyone knew you'd called, that you'd just left it hanging out there in the breeze with no follow through.<p>

And that was the moral of the story with him, wasn't it? No follow through...after the night in the studio, the song coming together for them and then Rayna's lips against his, her body melting into his, the way they were still able to take melody and harmony to make their music together, in every possible way. But then he'd kissed her and said he had to go and left her there.

And now he'd hung up on her.

His phone beeped with a message. Maddie wanted to push her guitar lesson back a half hour. She had an extended choir rehearsal at school. He sighed, then texted back his agreement to meet her later.

Before, this had always been between him and Rayna. Now there was a lot more between them then the music and their feelings for each other. Now there was Maddie to consider and that just added a whole new layer of inspiration and complication to the idea of being with Rayna.

* * *

><p>She wanted to call him, she wanted to ask what the night before meant, if he even knew, but it was almost like saying the words out loud would mean she'd have to know for herself, and she wasn't sure she knew the answer.<p>

Deacon had been her first love. And yes, in the years with Teddy, she'd loved him as well, but it was never like it had been with Deacon, both in the good and bad ways. And now life seemed a little more on track, even-keeled and safe.

And boring.

When she'd asked him to add a duet to the album, to write with her, she said it was for marketing reasons, but she knew deep in her heart that wasn't true. The therapist had said that it would take 3 weeks of giving him up, staying away from him, to cure herself of the addiction-that was why rehab was 28 days long. But she knew from her experience with Deacon that sometimes 28 days wasn't long enough to break the bond of an addiction.

She had used the music as an excuse, which was only one step better than using their child as one. She felt bad even thinking about it.

Her phone buzzed in her hand. She looked down. He was calling again. Her finger hovered over the button to end the call, then she pressed down and answered.

"Hello."

* * *

><p>"Hey," he drawled into the phone. He wasn't sure why he'd called her. He was sure that Maddie had let her know they'd be running later. He'd used his daughter as an excuse.<p>

"Hey," she replied, her voice quiet answering his.

"I...uh...I was gonna let you know Maddie's comin' later," he started. Then, even though she wouldn't see it, he shook his head and kicked the ground with his boot. "Nah, I just wanted to call and see how you were. Shoot, I won't do that again."

"Do what?" she asked, leaning back against the cool leather of her car seat.

"Use Maddie as an excuse to talk to you."

She closed her eyes, not sure what to say next. "I was gonna call you, too," she finally responded. "I have somethin' for you, but I didn't want to interrupt."

"You're never interruptin', Rayna," he replied, shifting back into his leather chair in his quiet living room.

"I...uh, I can bring it when I come to get Maddie, but I…" She sounded so unsure of herself.

"No, we probably should…" He wasn't sure how to reply either.

"Meet me at the park?" she asked. "Maybe about 9 pm?"

He nodded, his voice suddenly gone, then he cleared his throat. "Yeah, see you at nine."

* * *

><p>She sat in her car until he pulled up. Even in Nashville, it was getting cold by nine o'clock in mid-December.<p>

Deacon walked over to her car and opened the door for her. "You want me to get in there with you?" he asked.

She shook her head. "Nah, I think you and I should avoid bein' in cars together for a little bit longer."

Rayna followed him over to their bench and sat down next to him. She slid a CD out of her pocket and handed it to him.

"Thought you'd want to hear the finished product," she said.

"Uh, thanks," he replied. "That was fast."

Rayna looked over at the creek flowing in front of them. "I can't figure out which way to go now," she finally said.

"Which way?" he asked.

She looked over at him and smiled. "My head tells me to put my arms around my girls, to keep them safe, to sink my heels in on this new label, work on my music and Scarlett and finding other great new musicians like her…"

"But?" he asked.

She leaned in and kissed him. "But my heart says that there isn't any music without you."

"Ray…"

"And maybe you don't want that. Maybe you're okay with the way things are turnin' out and I know you did this song as a favor to me, but if I can't even be in a booth listening to you record without giving myself to you, then I'm not sure I can ever live without you."

He leaned in and kissed her again. As he pulled away, he slid his hand up along her face. "Don't do it just 'cause it's easy, Rayna."

She smiled. "Nothin's easy about this, Babe. But then again, doin' things the easy way has never been my way of living."

He slid his arm around her, pulling her close. "Then I think we need to figure out how to do this right this time, cause I'm with you."

FIN


End file.
